These past days I was really wondering what would my life be in the next few years. Honestly, its not my will to go here alone to this strangest place. However, as you grew up you just realize that your life is not fully yours and you cannot completely do what you want to do, will what you want to will. Sometimes, in my madness hours I start to feel of losing my self. I don't even feel that I am me anymore, going through what I don’t want to bear, doing something that I don’t really like.
As this semester passed, it made me realize several things in me. Firstly, I cannot go far away from some things whether I like it or not. Thinking back through this semester, I can even believe that I plainly offer myself back as a programmer and begin to code like hell every second counts, hugging laptops closer than a wife, really cant imagine that I can still code and actually did something useful for the project. Honestly, I am quite proud, despite of all lacks of sleep, and of course the first thing that I realize that its not me that did everything, I believe that it’s only His will that I still able to do them. I merely laughed when I remember back to the point I went here, try to escape from programming and go more to design stuffs, now its really obvious that He has a better plan for me.
Secondly, whether you like it or not, time sure flies. It is just a cruel fact of nature that is beyond our will and power. It feels like a blink of an eye for every single moment that happened in my life, from the first day I arrived here till now, for every single friends that comes and goes, for every sleepless night that I’ve been through. Yeah, it always feel shorter than you can imagine. Therefore, of course, regret always come in the end of everything.
Thirdly, as the words from the wise, “be what you want to be, do what you want to do, because you only have one dream and one life to do everything you like to do”. Make friend as much as you can, never hesitate for what’s worth. You never know unless you try, you never try unless you will. If I try to get to know my friend one semester earlier, we can double our memories and time spent together in this short nasty life. Now she already gone wherever she belongs and probably won’t see her again till another year or two. What a precious chance that I missed.
Next, as time flies freaking fast, your life also run freaking shorter each time it flew. Now I really feel much older, shorter breath, slower pace. Now it is only another year to the end of everything, to the beginning of the real world. I have to begin to think some ideas for my last semester work and of course get a freaking real job in this weird place. The more I realize about this, the more stressful I get. Of course, everyone always tell me not to worry, but it’s easy to say hard to do, day by day I get even worrier.
All these things keep haunting me till this week, the week when finally I can get out from everything and really gave myself a break. Eat a proper food, go places I never go, spent some quality time with my friends. I still have tons of things to bury myself in the hectic madness, but sure as I told myself, I deserve a break.
Few things that I still remember clearly are about how you perceive your future, your worries, and how can you handle it. I know in fact, we will never know about our future, you can go bankrupt next year, get promoted next month, broke up with your girlfriend in the next week, or in worst case you can simply die today or tomorrow. Thus, in the end, it leads to a conclusion that…worrying something that you don’t know is just a waste of energy isn’t it?! Again, easy to say, but hard to do…
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